3 Characteristics of Love | Vivekananda
We may represent love as a triangle, each of the angles of which corresponds to one of its inseparable characteristics. There can be no triangle without all its three angles; and there can be no true love without its three following characteristics:
The first angle of our triangle of love is - that love knows no bargaining. Wherever there is any seeking for something in return, there can be no real love; it becomes a mere matter of shop-keeping.
As long as there is in us any idea of deriving this or that favour from God in return for our respect and allegiance to Him, so long there can be no true love growing in our hearts.
Those who worship God because they wish Him to bestow favours on them are sure not to worship Him, if those favours are not forthcoming.
The Bhakta loves the Lord because He is lovable; there is no other motive originating or directing this divine emotion of the true devotee.
We have heard it said that a great king once went into a forest and there met a sage. He talked with the sage a little and was very much pleased with his purity and wisdom.
The king then wanted the sage to oblige him by receiving a present from him. The sage refused to do so, saying:
“The fruits of the forest are enough food for me; the pure streams of water flowing down from the mountains give enough of drink for me; the barks of the trees supply me with enough of covering; and the caves of the mountains form my home. Why Should I take any present from you or from anybody?”
The king said:
“Just to benefit me, sir, please take something from my hands, and please come with me to the city and to my palace.”
After much persuasion, the sage at last consented to do as the king desired and went with him to his palace.
Before offering the gift to the sage the king repeated his prayers, saying:
“Lord, give me more children; Lord, give me more wealth; Lord, give me more territory; Lord, keep my body in better health,” and so on.
Before the king finished saying his prayer, the sage had got up and walked away from the room quietly.
At this the king became perplexed and began to follow him, crying aloud:
“Sir, you are going away, you have not received my gifts.”
The sage turned round to him and said:
“I do not beg of beggars. You are yourself nothing but a beggar; and how can you give me anything? I am no fool to think of taking anything from a beggar like you. Go away, do not follow me.”
There is well brought out the distinction between mere beggars and the real lovers of God. Begging is not the language of love. To worship God even for the sake of salvation or any other reward is equally degenerate.
Love knows no reward. Love is always for love’s sake. The Bhakta loves because he cannot help loving.
When you see beautiful scenery and fall in love with it, you do not demand anything in the way of favour from the scenery; nor does the scenery demand anything from you.
Yet the vision thereof brings you to a blissful state of the mind, it tones down all the friction in your soul, it makes you calm, almost raises you, for the time being, beyond your mortal nature, and places you in a condition of quite divine ecstasy.
This nature of real love is the first angle of our triangle. Ask not anything in return for your love; let your position be always that of the giver; give your love unto God, but do not ask anything in return even from Him.
The second angle of the triangle of love is that love knows no fear.
Those that love God through fear are the lowest of human beings, quite undeveloped as men. They worship God from fear of punishment.
He is a great being to them, with a whip in one hand and the sceptre in the other; if they do not obey Him they are afraid they will be whipped.
It is a degradation to worship God through fear of punishment; such worship is, if worship at all, the crudest form of the worship of love. So long as there is any fear in the heart, how can there be love also? Love conquers naturally all fear.
Think of a young mother in the street, and a dog barking at her; she is frightened, and flies into the nearest house.
But suppose, the next day, she is in the street with her child, and a lion springs upon the child. Where will be her position now? Of course, in the very mouth of the lion, protecting her child.
Love conquers all fear. Fear comes from the selfish idea of cutting one's self off from the universe. The smaller and the more selfish I make myself, the more is my fear.
If a man thinks he is a little nothing, fear will surely come upon him. And the less you think of yourself as an insignificant person, the less fear will there be for you.
So long as there is the least spark of fear in you, there can be no love there. Love and fear are incompatible; God is never to be feared by those who love Him.
The commandment, “Do not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” the true lover of God laughs at.
How can there be any blasphemy in the religion of love? The more you take the name of the Lord, the better for you, in whatever way you may do it. You are only repeating His name because you love Him.
The third angle of the love-triangle is, that love knows no rival, for in it is always embodied the lover’s highest ideal. True love never comes until the object of our love becomes to us our highest Ideal.
It may be that in many cases human rove is misdirected and misplaced, but to the person who loves, the thing he loves is always his own highest ideal.
One may see his ideal in the vilest of beings, and another in the highest of beings; nevertheless, in every case it is the ideal alone that can be truly and intensely loved.
The highest ideal of every man is called God. Ignorant or wise, saint or sinner, man or woman, educated or uneducated, cultivated or uncultivated, to every human being the highest ideal is God.
The synthesis of all the highest ideals of beauty, of sublimity, and of power gives us the completest conception of the loving and lovable God.
These Ideals exist, in some shape or other, in every mind naturally; they form a part and parcel of all our minds. All the active manifestations of human nature are struggles of those ideals to become realised in practical life.
All the various movements that we see around us in society are caused, by the various ideals in various souls trying to come out and become concretised; what is inside presses on to come outside.
This perennially dominant influence of the ideal is the one force, the one motive power that may be seen to be constantly working in the midst of mankind.
It may be after hundreds of births after struggling through thousands of years, that man finds that it is vain to try to make the inner ideal mould completely the external conditions and square well with them;
after realising this he no more tries to project his own ideal on the outside world, but worships the ideal itself as ideal, from the highest standpoint of love. This ideally perfect ideal embraces all lower ideals.
What is it that the world commonly worships? Not certainly this all-embracing, ideally perfect ideal of the supreme devotee and lover.
That ideal which men and women commonly worship is what is in themselves; every person projects his or her own ideal on the outside world and kneels before it.
That is why we find that men who are cruel and blood-thirsty conceive of a bloodthirsty God, because they can only love their own highest ideal.
That is why good men have a very high ideal of God; and their ideal is indeed so very different from that of others.